Or you Could Just Buy a Car

So fat bikes are kind of gimmicky. This used to be a given in the bike world. You bought a fat bike not because you needed to get somewhere but because you wanted to ride a pillow through a snow drift, or go monster-trucking over train tracks, or ride up a waterfall, or do something else ridiculous. But Felt has taken it a step too far.

Just released: the brain trust at Felt has given us the Lebowske, the world's first electric fart bike. Now I'm not against this bike, conceptually. There may be somebody somewhere who has a good use for this thing and no other machine will do. I can't imagine those circumstances, but it's a big world. If you want to buy an electric novelty bike, best of luck to you, I'm sure you'll love it. I saw this bike for the first time at Interbike last year and I thought it was pretty cool at the time, but it was just a concept then. Now, it's real and claiming to be a mountain bike.

I just want to make it clear, e-bikes are not bicycles. If you buy the Lebowske, you're buying an electric moped.

And you'll be paying $5,800 for it.

And it doesn't have turn signals

or a light

and it can't go faster than 20mph or the pedal assist cuts out.  Not like it matters because no fat bike on earth can go faster than a swift jog, even with a freaking motor turning the cranks for you.

Look, if you are seriously interested in something like an electric fat bike, I'll let you in on a little secret: there's something better out there. No foolin! I got a bike that can go 50mph, has dual suspension, can go anywhere the Lebowske can, and only costs $300.

The Pit bike!

And you don't even have to pedal.

But wait, don't pit bikes pollute and contribute to our dependency on foreign powers for energy? Yes they do, but have you ever heard of Lithium? It's a toxic little metal used in batteries that we dig out of the earth in huge strip mines -and when I say "we" I mean third world countries with lax safety parameters- and, hey look at that, the Lebowske has four pounds of it bolted to the frame!

Seriously, when you're at the point where you need a motor to go cycling, it's time to hang up the helmet, Lance. I don't want to be on the bike path the day some idiot decides to hotrod with a faulty throttle and runs us all over. It's a stupid machine for stupid people, but again, go ahead and buy one if that's what you're into.

Oh and one more thing: the 11-speed derailleur is a Sram mechanical system. Why not use the new Shimano XTR Di2? You already have the battery right there on the frame. Go cheap on the derailleur? Come on guys.

Anyways, pit bikes are super fun and you can get 10 of them, plus gas money, for the price of one Lebowski and you'll look just as stupid. Go nuts kids.